Dealing with anger in a relationship: Everyone gets angry from time to time in a romantic relationship, but it’s important not to lose your cool with your partner. No one wants to be yelled at, and if you do that, it’s a mistake to apologize for, and don’t just say you’re sorry; think of ways that you can cope with your angry feelings so that you don’t hurt your partner in the process. Many people have anger management issues, and saying you’re sorry can deal with some of the problems, but it’s not okay to keep yelling or screaming at your loved ones when you’re angry. How do you deal with being mad at your partner in a relationship?
Know when to walk away or hang up the phone: If you’re fighting in person and you feel your anger rising, and you know that you’re going to lose it, it’s okay to take a break from the conversation. Let your partner know by saying, “I’m having trouble controlling my anger, and I need some space, so can we please take a break from talking about this?” If they don’t respect that boundary, it’s okay to walk away and go for a walk. You know yourself when you’re getting heated. It’s okay to take a step back and see that you don’t need to finish the conversation right away. It’s acceptable to take the space that you need and walk away from that conversation if it needs to stop for you.
Setting boundaries: It can be hard to set boundaries with your partner if you have trouble saying “no.” There can be quite a few reasons for this. Some people who have abandonment issues have difficulty setting boundaries because they’re afraid that their partner will leave them if they do. You have a right to set those boundaries. You have a right to say, “I don’t feel comfortable with the way that you’re talking to me.” Respect is vital in relationships, and you don’t deserve to be treated in a bad or negative manner, so if someone is not respectfully talking to you, you have every right to exit the conversation, as mentioned previously. Different things trigger different people, and it’s reasonable to ask that people understand that you’re triggered and need some time to cool off.
Know your triggers: Particular things trigger certain people. Maybe you don’t like it when someone tells you what to do. Perhaps, you don’t enjoy it when you feel like someone’s condescending, you’re trying to make ends meet with your family, or you’re having challenges with parenting. Whatever your triggers are, you can explore that in therapy, whether you pursue individual therapy or couples therapy. It’s essential to understand what makes you angry so that you can develop coping skills to deal with your triggers. You don’t want to be so mad that you’re flying off the handle. That’s not acceptable behavior. It’ll alienate your partner and people in other interpersonal relationships such as friends and family, so learning what makes you angry and developing coping skills to manage it is extremely important.
Therapy: Online therapy or in-person therapy is a great way to cope with your relationship problems. If you’re having trouble with angry outbursts or your partner is the one struggling with that, talk about these issues in therapy. Couples therapy is a great place to go to do that. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you’re struggling with your anger. If your partner is struggling with their anger, you might be afraid to talk about it with them directly. Therapy is an excellent place to talk about this and other tricky issues with your significant other alongside a trained mental health professional who deals with couples. Anger is something that you need to manage, and it’s essential to reach out so that you can get the help that you need.
Photo credit: Aarón Blanco Tejedor