Hey y’allz! I’m taking a short break from FEELguide for the week so I can eat all of my mother’s home cookin’, gain 25 pounds, get shitfaced every single night with my family, wake up under the Christmas tree next to the dog, get in fights with all of my sisters, make up with all of my sisters, get in a huge fight with my dad, kind of make up with my dad, get shitfaced with my family again, wake up in a snow bank beside my grandmother’s front porch next to a yellow stain of frozen dog piss, open up some Christmas gifts, give away some Christmas gifts that are way too inadequate, chop up some fire wood with my cousins, get in fights with all of my cousins, get shitfaced with my cousins, make up with my cousins, gain another 25 pounds, and give everyone in my family a big hug and a kiss. One thing I won’t be doing this year, however, is watching hockey. Yes, the ongoing NHL lockout continues to leave a giant yellow piss stain all over the favorite pastime of millions of Canadians. So yes — that means a whooooole lot of girlfriends no longer have to dance in pretty green dresses to get the attention of their NHLing boyfriends. Which reminds me of this gem of a short film my friend Shane Ladd directed recently entitled Santa Baby starring Jay Baruchel and Alison Pill. Congratulicious Shane!!! Job well done, and I can’t wait to see you this April in L.A. where me and my friends can crash on your couch, eat all your food, get shitfaced with you, wake up next to that palm tree outside your door beside your dog, eat all your food again, gain another 25 pounds, and go to Coachella with you to get shitfaced, stalk Thom Yorke, Ryan Gosling and Adam Levine, and wake up in the bushes outside our cheap Palm Springs hotel. Merry Christmas everybody!
